woah...its been almost 3 years since I blogged!

Waterfasting QOD, tobacco no more

Tuesday I water fasted.  Other than the coffee and creamer I had in the morning, the rest was water, and lots of it.  I also cut out cigarettes.  I'm ready to get well again, inside and out.  So, the water fast was fine...I probably could have gone longer, but I wanted to take a walk so I broke the fast the next day with a light salad.  Yesterday I also ate a cucumber with garlic salt and for dinner I had a small portion of baked chicken, mixed vegetables and a piece of cheese bread.  I want to water fast every other day, but I feel it will be too difficult on the weekends with all of the activities I do....so, I am starting with a Tues/Thurs regimen. Today is Thursday, so I will fast.  Tonight is my daughter's ice cream social at the pool...this will be my only challenge.  My cravings are normally not for sweets, so I think I will do just fine!

Fastermellow

Yesterday I decided to to a 24 hour waterfast.  This morning, 24 hours later, I feel good.  I dont have the hunger pangs I had last night.  My eyes are burning a bit, but I think that has to do with my contacts (I need to break that habit) and I have a tad bit of headache...but other than that Im feeling OK.  My goal in this is to break my addiction to cigarettes (day 2) and to food.  The latter, I was not extremely concious of until recently.  "thinking..." I downloaded Noble Hearts Meditation the other day and I have been listening to it and going through the guided meditation.  I am not sure what I am searching for, but I know the search is needed. Roommate situation is just ok...I must continue to ride through her unstable emotional patterns.  I have a room, with a door.

New Me

Its May and I have a big get together in August.  So that means I have 2 full months to get myself in some sort of shape.  I mean its been so long since I have done anything for myself.  So last Friday, I took the day off and got my hair cut and a pedicure.  Oh yes, I also got my eyebrows waxed.  So that was a start.  Today is my start to no or slow carbs and some sort of exercise on a daily basis.  Its been almost a month now since I left him and I am feeling better everyday. The time is now for me. 

Ok. This is it. Its the end. Never again.

I found a roomate. Packed as much as I could and left.  I left the apartment that was too expensive to live in, with remnince of broken beer bottles and evidence of a complete melt down.  Not by me, but by the man who I keep giving chance after chance to get his shit together.  4 years on and off is more than enough time.  I am not going to let this experience jade me into stating that no one changes, because I dont believe that is true.  I have seen change in myself and others.  So, what I will say is that this person, if he will ever change, is not going to change in the time that I need to feel like I am in a relationship that I deserve to be in.  I can beat myself up, feel sorry for myself, go into a depression, etc...or I can choose to move on completely.  Move on from that relationship, that mind set, that place he put me with dominance and words.  Now, in the new house, I am with a single mom of 2, who herself struggles with controlling her children.  There is a lot of yelling and banter.  Which, is what I was trying to get away from.  Hopefully that will get better....we all have our issues.  I am safe and in a place to focus on myself and getting my daughter and I set up for success.  This is temporary, as are the feelings that I have as a result of this situation.  I will continue to move on and  pray and get myself as strong as possible.